The other factor that needs to be taken into account with the setting that we're currently in is that we're _still_ couchsurfing. That is, there are no separate rooms, there's no real place for us to put our stuff, and the person who was kind enough to let us stay with him had the place full to the brim of his stuff when we got here. So there's not really enough space in this place to do anything with toys, and usually it's in unacceptable condition for inviting anyone over here. He reads his books, but he reads through them so fast that I can't keep up. I have located a local library here, which will, no doubt, help a bunch, but that's just not done yet. Due to the issues that I had, I was unable to get out of the apartment for quite some time, which really held us back in some of those areas.
This neighborhood is quickly gentrifying. However, our local area is still pretty full of late 20-somethings, and early 30-somethings. It's an upscale neighborhood, just outside of Portland Metro. So almost all of these people have no kids. In fact the only two that I know of that have kids; well, one is over a block away (I'll get to how something ridiculously small like that is an issue in a bit here), and the other is not near his age, nor do his parents seem to like anyone else, except for the police whom they love to call on anybody that drives anything bigger than a Geo Metro. Gotta love militant environmentalists, especially when you're trapped in your vehicle that was perfectly necessary in the plains, but has too many problems to get rid of or trade right now.
The one block issue is an issue only because of the kinds of people in this neighborhood. There are two kinds in particular that are coming into play at this point. The first are the young upstanding professionals, who were all raised by 'helicopter parents' themselves (I'll get to that in a sec, as I said). My son is a little bit small for his age. If he wasn't, I'd probably be okay with it, but as it is, I'm dead terrified that he'll get the police called on him for being out checking out the area on his own. Plus, in a slightly busier neighborhood the other day, someone damn near put in in the ER because they didn't know how to drive worth a tin shit. I hope _he_ learned from that experience (well, everyone involved, actually).
The next kinds are the ones that've been pushed out of portland metro just recently by the police department. They've been pushing the homeless, including the homeless crackheads and alcoholics, out of the metro, but not out of the surrounding areas so much yet. So as their population here spikes, the streets, and anything left on them, are becoming rapidly less safe. Makes me wish that we would've been stable enough to get him into Aikido for a few years by now, at least. He's in Tae Kwon Do now, but still a white belt, and not nearly proficient in it. Not that TKD is ever really proficient in a street fight, though it can definitely provide a bit of an advantage and confidence.
So. On to helicopter parenting. This was actually a term coined by my friend 'Neuro', a user on this BBS. It's a term used to describe the latest phenomena of parents who don't let their kids have _any_ unstructured or unsupervised time. While this can be great for learned skills, it can be terrible for having a kid ready for the real world. In an area where it is the norm, you stand to be called an incompetent parent if your children are out on their own. He doesn't even have a group of friends to go out with yet, because of the factors that I've already mentioned. One good friend with him from school almost turned out, but his mom became a complete and utter flake. Whatever she's doing is far more important than her son's socialization.
I wouldn't worry so much about being called an incompetent parent, when I'm giving him the experience and the skills that he needs to survive, if I had a job, my own place, and everything right now. As it stands, though, the last thing that I need is CPS looking into the situation. I mean everything is legit, but it's not like I have any sort of real leg to stand on showing that I'm a 'Fine Upstanding Citizen'(tm) brand American Single Parent.
Apropos of all of this: he's spending almost all of his time on video games, except when I helicopter parent him out to the park. Which has been nearly impossible for months of raining cold here. His behavior is getting rather ADHD because of it (using the term loosely-- just meaning that he is instant reward trained now, and freaks out when having to do anything that requires perseverence and long-term dedication now). He is also suffering from the fact that he's had no friends to hang out with regularly for a long time. He doesn't say as much, but he's the type that keeps those things to himself. I know that it bothers him from his behavior, and the general stress that we've been in for 2 years straight now has him grinding his teeth all night long.
So yeah... I'm gonna send this out as it is right now. Long story short, I don't know what to do about it other than to keep pushing for a job, now that I've got myself stable, and get the hell out of it. I just wish there was something I could do quicker. There's plenty of meet-ups, but my vehicle being gone now is making that rougher, especially on school days.
Hope y'all are well. Any tips, advice, or even amusing anecdotes of your own to take my mind off of this for a bit are greatly appreciated.
Namaste'.

-Damo
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Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 05-Feb-2015 18:14 <=-

It's good you have a roof over your head, but granted, that's still
nowhere near an ideal situation...

It's much better than hitching it along the pacific shoreline headed
for Chile', at least. ;)

For sure.. <G>

Have you considered getting him some sort of electronic book reader,
and downloading books for him...? Or is that out of the question
financially...? How far away is the library...? It's a shame that
things are less safe than they were back when I was a kid... I used to
hang out at the local library all the time, could walk there from
home...

Well, for now it's out of the question financially. We've got a
couple of portable electronic devices now that are capable, but too
small for easy reading. I'm not sure where the closest library is,
just a few that I've stumbled across. I'll open a google maps tab for that right now, actually. Yeah, I used to go to one, too. About a mile away, but I'd stay there for a looooong time. Plus my dad always took
me there to hang out while he was checking out stamp catalogs and value guides. Heh. I'll look into finding a cheap 400MHz android ripoff
tablet or something, though. I didn't think about that because I hate electronic format books so much, but I don't think he'll hate it at
all. They're amazingly cost effective, so yeah. Thank you for the awesome idea.

I've not wanted to use the electronic books, either, but I've seen
several people using them, including some of my family (sisters,
nieces), and they seem to think they are a good idea... :) I just
figured that a kid that's into video games AND reading might find them
an easier transition away from the games... :)

I've got a lot of theories on the whole thing, personally, and so
does my roommate. One of the worst horror stories I've heard about it, though, was a father who realized that his daughter had hit 16 years
old and, at tops, had had like 75 minutes unscheduled time before.
What kind of pressure cooker are we putting kids like that into? How
are they going to know how to socialize? It just seems like an inhumane way to raise a kid, to me, and if they spend all of their time in structured activities, how the hell are they going to get the practice that they need to be able to deal with what the real world throws at
them out on the streets?

I mostly agree with you, but, that being said, I think there's more
socializing even in the structured activities than you give credit
for... What's more of an issue is what one does once they are
responsible for setting their own structure instead of having it imposed
on them... :)

Sorry about the one kid thing, if you were hoping to have more.

Thanks. We did try, very unsuccessfully, for a long time... it just
wasn't going to happen, and it turned out that having even the one was a
bit of a fluke, or miracle, if you will... :)

I want to have a sibling for my son, other than
his half sisters (in Germany), but my life isn't nearly stable enough
and I don't have a decent mother candidate in mind. Heh. By the time
I have all of those things squared away I'm pretty sure I'm only going
to be dating post-menopausal women.

If it happens, it happens... And maybe you'll find some wonderful woman
that has a child or children of her own that you'll both be comfortable
with... ;)

You're right, though. I always hated being an only child. It was
a horror, especially with abusive parents.

Abusive parents only make it worse, true. My son at least had cousins,
and my youngest siblings, and a friend from church to be semi-sibs...
and he tended to make friends pretty easily... :)

Keeping him clothed and fed and in school should go a ways in showing
that you are a proper father, however... and the other hopefully will
come as you are better stabilized and can find a decent job... :)

Indeed. I'm just glad I'm out of the phase where I feel I'm looking
for the light at the end of the tunnel, and into a phase where I
actually am out in the light, or at least close enough to it so that
it's not just a dot any more. :) I'm really well stabilized now, for
the most part, and it only gets better; right now I'm more stable than I've been since I started college. I've been putting out enough code each day to keep my portfolio nice 'n full along with applying for jobs hours every day. I'm pretty sure with the amount of effort that I'm putting into things that I'll have many fewer unstructured hours in my own day very soon. ;)

Hope it works out for you soon... :)

ttyl neb

... Life is a collection of low-probability events

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